I'm already married, so that could get a little awkward. He wants the last word, he wants to dissect her position to invalidate it and thinks hes won if he manages to do it, and then he blames the wife when he wins the battle but loses the war of having a healthy partnership because no wife can be happy if the husband seeks to invalidate her complaints constantly instead of listening and trying to do something about it. It was for good reason that Paul did not say, husbands respect your wives; wives love your husbands. Im feeling unimportant but he says that is not the case. Whether it's a conversation about your childhood or mentioning memories as they come up in daily life, sharing memories is something all happy couples do. Without kissing it's hard to see how other intimacy including sex can possibly fulfilling. SoI asked himto check in on it here and there. Try to keep it light at first and listen to what he has to say about sex as well. But embarrassing things can be more serious as well. Dr. Burford has been married for over 35 years and is a father and grandfather. One thing that I'm wondering if I can get some insight or ideas on is what to do during everyday life. When on earth do you ever get to see each other? These are the things likely occurring at the table where the dating couple sits. He was asking men and women to do the opposite of what comes naturally to them, in order to meet the relational need of their spouse. Good communication is the lifeblood of a successful marriage, so when spouses stop talking at a deep level, their marriages slowly die. The average couple talks for 21 minutes of the hour after 20 years of marriage. He may simply not realized how important your request is and by letting him know that his actionshurthell be given the second chance to understand the importance of what youre asking and then hopefully, follow through! summer. She also runs a thriving Facebook group of over 1.5K called the Sweet Wives' Community. How much time does the average couple talk a day? While a lot of married couples have one person who is more "financially minded" (that would be me in our marriage) it's uber important to be on the same page with your spouse about your finances. If the discussion is a debate or a contest wherein one partner walks away as the winner by having the last word, or emerging superior in debate skills, or getting his or her way. And for the man? Her focus would be on connecting and discussing the challenge-at-hand together as a bonding experience. Best, Sharely for the mems. Then, after you both become more comfortable talking openly about your sex life, dont be afraid dive a little deeper, always remembering to keep it an open discussion. What then? Because it does! Christianity is never going to look more attractive by trying to convince someone that it is. Be specific about wanting to talk every day, and even if he doesnt want to get into the specifics of his work challenges, invite him to speak with you about the coworkers he likes, what they are like, how they are adapting, etc. They share their feelings. Your wife asking you to show caring behaviors is about helping her feel safe and loved so how is that controlling? He works his but off and is mostly stressed . Women, generally, really want to talk and be heard, and when they stop, it is a terrible sign. My husband of 39 yrs now has a stressful job where my wonderful he a nurse manager. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. One reason fights persist is that parties have not. What attracted me to your article was the Apostles words about Marriage. A lot of people come to and seek out other marriage blogs for advice on how to handle certain things in the bedroom. Of course those are really broad, but as a rule of thumb, the more open you are about money and the more youre able to stay on the same page, the less frustrated youll be later. Josh and I immediately looked at each other and said, Uhhhhhh thats not how this works. Things like gourmet coffees from over-priced coffee shops, new clothes and makeup from Target that I didnt really need, snacks that probably only looked good because I went shopping hungry- that kind of stuff. I often hear frustration from clients who tell me that they . While a lot of married couples have one person who is more financially minded (that would be me in our marriage) its uber important to be on the same page with your spouse about your finances. He may simply not realized how important your request is and by letting him know that his actions. Of the two. #marriage #sweetwife, Living in the moment&enjoying the small things doesnt change my to-do list, but it DOES change my attitude #momlife, Lessons I Learned My First 2 Months as a Foster Parent, 8 Super Easy Ways To Show Your Spouse Love Throughout the Day, The Best and Worst Parts of Being a Corporate Mom, 3 Ways to Make the End of Summer a Blast for the Kids, 3 Ways I Create Quality Time With My Husband, The Best Tips + Packing List for Hiking with Kids and Babies, The Pros and Cons of Getting Married Young, The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space. If both are asking that question, perhaps there can be peace. As such, it runs the risk of inciting as many relationship problems as it solves. My wonderful husband was away from interaction with women for almost 30 years and he finds it difficult to understand our need to converse. The other day I was speaking with a married woman who I have been close to for a long time. Addiction is extremely toxic as it leads to further health issues. Thats not how, What she meant by saying, Find someone you never have to apologize to, was that you should find someone who understands you so much that you never have to apologize for not being there for them, because theyll understand that you had a good reason. Most people do it every day, depending on what they do, their availability etc. Over time, it may lead to . Over a third of married couples spend less than half an hour a day talking to one other, a recent survey shows. When we decided to make this 15 minutes of "couple time" a priority in our marriage, we simply made sure the . A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. She writes about marriage and mom-life on her blog, Living the Sweet Wife, while sipping lattes after bedtime. When I learned to live in the moment and enjoy those small moments with my family, I saw that my to-do list didnt change, but my attitude sure did. Talking through your feelings will help you identify the root of the problem. Im a huge fan of Dr. Viktor Frankl and Dr. Gottman! From her perspective, swinging was just another way of sharing everything, including sex. First, we all want empathy and understanding. But is that really true? Research from the Gottman Institute identifies a principle underlying happy, long-lasting marriages; it is that of accepting influence. Being the financial person in our marriage, Josh used to trust me with all things finances and never checked our bank account- like, . Although shes able to ask him to change and do something differently in their relationship, and he doesnt reject her when she asks, she still never actually sees the changes she asks for. Hes actually a really good husband- and she thinks so too. 10. Another primary driver of conflict in self- defensiveness. In a recent post to Pop Sugar, assistant editor Macy Williams shared the be all end all thing that happy couples do everyday. Of course those are really broad, but as a rule of thumb, the more open you are about money and the more youre able to stay on the same page, the less frustrated youll be later. Dear Dr. Burford: Did not know you.are a Presbyterian Minister until I finished reading this. find embarrassing to talk about if not done openly and often enough. Sometimes he gives it later, but by then shes already grieved the loss of a caring husband and is in despair. Talk about things you wish were happening. ! Honey when you leave the room while I am speaking I feel disrespected. 18 votes, 33 comments. I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. When every conversation turns into an argument, you're probably too often feeling angry, rejected, unhappy, anxious and perhaps even depressed. So I often think of my husband as a very old-fashioned man! Otherwise, if your standards are different, your words will only sound naggy and go in one ear and come out the other. Cookie Notice * Hug and kiss when leaving for work or returning home. And for many couples, swinging is by no means a replacement for sex; it's an augmentation, and very different than actual lovemaking with their partner. But how do we handle marital gridlock, where yielding to the others need for love or respect doesnt get us past our self-canceling desires, such as one spouse wanting another child and the other not. In my experience, marriages can sneakily begin to disintegrate when a couple forgets how to laugh together. What we have here is a perpetual problem, and thus a couples learning opportunity. Can we pause and switch sides defending our partners position for a moment, rather than our own? Thank you for your words of comfort and love. Yes, you, make it work. I like these, and would generally agree. That, George, is the start of the conversation. . If possible, try to keep the same time everyday, so that it becomes a regularly scheduled activity. What do couples do together during routine days? There's no inherit harm in any of these things, but I've been wondering for a couple of weeks about what things people do together to pass the time. If yourealwaysliving in the future, but things end up not going as you planned, its important to roll with the punches and be thankful for everything that you do have and the experiences you have shared together. There are interlocking reasons why long-time married couples stop talking to each another. I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. For many men, asking pointed questions is achallengeto what they are doing. Tony and Diana's love story begins like many young couples. Try to keep it light at first and listen to what he has to say about sex as well. For the most part, try to be open and set the example that its ok to laugh at yourself from time to time- or quite often like me. My wife (27f) and I (31m) recently got married and things are going fine. We need to adjust our natural tendencies. Decades of data show greater marital satisfaction among couples where men accept influence from their wives. When in control battles, we are helped by the principle, Yield to win." 9. My wife (27f) and I (31m) recently got married and things are going fine. But- I realized that what I was doing was hurting our bank account. My wife and i are 27 and have been married for 5 years and together for 8. If you are fighting with your partner a lot about important things like fidelity, money, marriage, life goals, jealousy, and the like now might be the right time to examine whether the . It was for good reason that Paul did not say, husbands respect your wives; wives love your husbands. This one is another classic behavioral trait of a married man who is flirting with you. I've actually come across a lot who have a hard time even bringing certain subjects up in their own marriages. Typically, a wife feels cared for, honored, and loved when her husband patiently listens to her. How do we address the way married couples stop talking to each other? The way out of this gridlock is to articulate to the others satisfaction what we understand is vital to them in the matter at hand. Relationship satisfaction improved progressively from having no sex up to having sex once a week but did not improve further (and decreased somewhat) beyond this point. Many marriages fall apart for many different reasons. And some kisses are spurred by your sex drive It's no secret that some. I like to tell people that conversations are only awkward if you believe they are. Your email address will not be published. * Touch him when leaning over his shoulder to read something (hands on . If one spouse is an addict, they may make the other spouse feel tortured, lonely and depressed. How often do married couples have sex? Many primary-care doctors don't raise the topic either. Why Cant I Motivate Myself? In a nationwide poll of 1,002 married men and women conducted from Nov. 11 to 16 by the Planned Population Federation of Korea, 32.9 percent said they spend 30 minutes to one hour a day talking with their spouses. To find the true key to a successful marriage, Willimas asked a number of couples why their relationships worked. Step one is simply to recognize the pattern. Sit down together and make a list of the chores that each of you absolutely hates to do. All Rights Reserved. It's unfair to hold a grudge over an issue that you're unwilling to discuss. When these needs are not securely met, negative primary emotionssurfacesuch as fear, hurt, sadness, and shame. If our spouse feels defeated by us, then the marriage has lost. The dating couples are talking to one another; the married couples frequently are not. Can we pause and switch sides defending our partners position for a moment, rather than our own? The solution to why long-time married couples stop talking to each other is for couples to change their view of what constitutes a win in their marital discussions. (Ephesians 5:25). Marriage is a journey of discovery into precisely what the other gender means by these words, and how these are perceived. And you are ALL welcome here. 5. As with most marriage-unfriendly behavior, the reason for the silence is self-defense. This is because, tragically, if either of us "wins "an argument against our spouse, then the marriage loses. In it, Paul pens: submit to one another out of reverence for Christ(Ephesians 5:21) and husbands love your wives; wives respect your husbands. For some couples, fighting every day is normal and they do not get rattled by this level of arguing. Or one spouse wanting to move to another state upon retirement and the other wanting to stay put. Its the New Testament. Are couples suppose to talk everyday? Wouldnt. In that space is our power to choose our response. I once heard a story about a retired business executive and his wife. There is another remarkable book that commends this balanced acceptance of influence; it precedes Dr. Gottmans book by about two millennia. In his needs her needs he suggests couples spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together. One of the reasons why long-time married couples stop talking to each other is that husbands are problem solvers and will tend to point out problems that require fixing. Martha, I love you. My husband and I are happily married, and what we do everyday is not worth millions dollars! Enjoying talking to one another is one sign that you have a sincere friendship something that's essential for marriage. 8 things every married couple should talk about openly and often Now a lot of married couples would probably tell you that they can talk to their spouse about anything. Also, three other things enter in when gridlock threatens the ability to craft a joint decision. Men, of course, dont see their comments as a rejection of connection; and women do not regard their input as critical or controlling or demanding their way. They deal with their problems. What this looks like in everyday conversation is that a woman will bring up some thought or idea, and the maninstead of hearing her heartwill key in on an error in syntax, some logical inconsistency in what she said, or some financial, philosophical, mechanical, or scheduling problem inherent in her idea. Finally (as concerns this brief response), the ratios that Dr. Gottmans research has discovered tell us that our relationship rises and falls on how we're making each other feel. 2. Why does he have to see it as a control issue? If this is something that doesnt come naturally to your in your spouse, but you want to try to talk about it more, start light. It might help. Surrender the grammar police badge. And listen. Jy Bol, BlogAbout UsOur MissionOur All-Star TeamComplaint ProceduresNo Surprise ActClient Reviews. a love story. A good rule of thumb for time to spend together. Then there is the opposing scenario common to the male experience. Identify and concentrate on the more significant areas with which you agree, rather than upon the isolated areas in which you disagree. Even in gridlockperhaps especially in gridlocka woman needs to feel heard and protected, and a man needs to feel respected, not controlled. So, if you- Christian- find yourself in this place, the most you can do is live out your faith the very best you can and pray for your spouse. And if you plan on making a relationship like that work, theres going to be a lot that you. The rest is really going to be up to you and that spouse of yours. Cut down on video games. it had always fascinated me, from a teenager onwards. In a woman's world, this is profoundly unloving. Copyright 2022 Couples Therapy Inc., all rights reserved. And thats not because were better than those who dont believe. Dr. Gottmans identified six toxic or destructive patterns basically come down to self protection. In a womans world, this is profoundly unloving. It helps me cope to think like that!! "Every couple is unique, and so there really is no hard-and-fast rule about how often you should talk with your partner throughout the day," he says. Kissing is part of actively loving each other everyday. Be upfront if you feel confused, neglected, or upset. When a person's sex drive is low, it is often a result of a lack of sex, as strange as that sounds. Unsubscribe any time. What is at issue here is the different meaning men and women ascribe to the sharing of ideas. Im a Presbyterian! ), then conflicts can be diminished, or maybe avoided, altogether. The word "argue" used here means having little arguments or negative interactions with your partner. Probably because Im going thru empty nest. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Just say "I love you" every day. If you disagree with your partner several times a day, this is actually normal, but the quality of your fights matter a lot. But- I realized that what I was doing was hurting our bank account. At the same time, the other feels defeated, then the relationship has lost. 3) Practice nonsexual touching. There are lots of things on this list that any couple. Since this man is carefully using the tactics to get you in bed, he will put your boyfriend down subtly, so as not to arouse your suspicion. I like to tell people that conversations are only awkward if you believe they are. Have a conversation with someone who is having a wildly different experience than you. Intimacy. Diane said Tony was a "typical 21-year-old" when they met and had a wandering eye. A woman would disregard a syntax problem and affirm the heart of her spouses idea, using kind, emotional words. Couples Therapy Can Help. As you do now, if you have a complaint, create a specific action he can take to change. If my Grandmas could stay married til death then I know I can too! Be Productive And Stop Procrastinating! living in the future, but things end up not going as you planned, its important to roll with the punches and be thankful for everything that you do have and the experiences you have shared together. He says I should just be happy. Today, then, I'm going to give you 50 conversation starters that are intentional: these married date night questions are focused on building memories and dreams together. Being a Christian, we read in the Bible that we shouldnt marry anyone who doesnt believe Gods Word like we do. This is due to a misunderstanding of a womans longing to have influence in decision-making, made manifest by her offering ideas, making suggestions, asking devils advocate questions, and generally trying to help. If youre. That being said, New York City-based. Here's what I've learned in being married 13 years (and counting): It is completely normal and healthy for couples to have small fights every day in a relationship. And our bank account is happier this way as well. Sex is kind of addicting in that way. Yes, there is. Knowing her husband, like many other husbands, I dont think he is intentionally trying to ignore my friend. At the onset of the separation process, and especially during my move out of the house, the ex and I kept telling the kids that "not much would change" and that we'd "still be a family.". If you and your spouse seek to be open and understand each other in most things, then awkward conversations wont really be a thing you have to deal with. hell be given the second chance to understand the importance of what youre asking and then hopefully, follow through! On the evening, when we both are at home, we basically spend the evening "together" on Skype. Every interaction is a "deposit or "withdrawal" in our couple Love Bank." We love each other he just doesnt share much anymore. What if a couple spent their time vying for what was essential to the other rather than to oneself? The goal, of course, is to find a balance in which both members of the couple are happy with the time they spend together, maintain their outside friendships and family relationships, make. This being said, its also important to always remember to be content. The more we talk to each other, the more we will know about each other. But marriage blogs can only give you so much advice for your life behind the bedroom doors. I just miss our connection we always had for 30 yrs. And I dont think this is a hard one for many young-ish or new couples. You knew this was going to be in this post somewhere, so might as well get it out of the way. What Do Married Couples Talk About? Factors like gender, individual expectations, developmental maturity as a couple, and cultural differences all affect the numbers. One of the reasons why long-time married couples stop talking to each other is that husbands are problem solvers and will tend to point out problems that require fixing. 5. It's not the frequency of which you fight that is bad, but rather HOW you fight. Talking openly about your sex life is easier the earlier you start, but this. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.. He will compliment you incessantly. One evening, the wife called friends to ask what they were doing. You simply can't leave it to chance that your relationship will be the way you want it to be. In a 2013 study, couples in long-term relationships who frequently kissed reported increased relationship satisfaction. Receive email updates & offers from ForEveryMom.com. The man fears that what he says will be met with questions and competing ideas, resulting in a hostile takeover. It is undoubtedly true that marriages are happier when men accept the influence of their wives more than might be a mans natural tendency; however, the chapter is very light on whether women need to adjust their own natural inclinations, as men are called to do. If I can defend that, then my partner may be able to let go of their defensiveness. The one for you to be most concerned with (in my opinion) is your own personal standards and boundaries. Scroll down to continue reading article , How to Identify Your Power Hour For Maximum Productivity, What Are Core Values? The same principle has always applied to him, its just an equal playing field now. Did it improve the overall ratio in the marriage of feel-good to feel-bad interactions? This verse in Ephesians calls on men and women to yield to how the, The Reasons Why Married Couples Stop Talking to Each Another, Thus, they become involved in whatever issue is at hand, not because they doubt their husbands competence, but because women see tasks, issues, and, Married Couples Stop Talking to One Another When They Fail to See Each Others Perspective, The research tells us that women share ideas to, Married Couples Stop Talking to One Another When They Fail to Get Underneath Gridlocked Issues, This can stop the conflict in its tracks as the tone changes from self-defense to other-defense. No one should be happy. Take the time to look your spouse in the eye and say "I love you" and watch how their . We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! Maybe a cup of tea and 20 minutes a day to catch up. This is not a debate class. I am sharing this with my husband. A marriage will only be as good as a couple's communication. And if you plan on making a relationship like that work, theres going to be a lot that youdonttalk about- you know, in order to keep the peace. "You take me for granted.". To a man, her effort to connect feels to him like criticism and control. But because when the Apostle Paul wrote those words, he knew what it would look like to have a marriage between two people who believe and value very different things. And- truth be told- theyll either stop because you and your spouse decide to separate or because you decide to be silent about those things. Were the attachment needs of both spouses recognized and protected, no matter the topic of discussion? They communicate. But is that really true? My advice to her and women who find themselves in similar situations is to tell your husband how his actions are making you feel. However, it's not an automatic indication of a healthy relationship. But what my friend finds hard to do is express how her husbands actions (or lack thereof) are hurting her. Long-married couples who have been together 20 or more years inevitably witness their relationship undergo changes that even the most happily wed find challenging. Ive actually come across a lot who have a hard time even bringing certain subjects up in their own marriages. "Three times is plenty.". While my last point points out that its really important to also live in the moment, its wonderful to have dreams and plans and a vision of the future with your spouse, no matter how long youve been married! Level 4: Feelings Opinions convey what's in our head, while feelings go deeper, communicating what's in our heart. Thus, they become involved in whatever issue is at hand, not because they doubt their husbands competence, but because women see tasks, issues, andproblems are opportunities to connect. Just because you can talk all the time doesn't mean your dating relationship is healthy. The same arguments are going to grow old. In this case, it is a chance to learn more about typical gender differences concerning socialization and neurology. For men, it is often defensiveness against feeling disrespected when he interprets what he hears as criticism and control. When fights involve criticism, contempt, name-calling or yelling. Theme by 17th Avenue, http://chelseadamon.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/8-things-every-married-couple-should-talk-about-openly-and-often.png. Be sure to watch the video all the way through and then read the article below thoroughly to ensure you have the proper understanding of the situation in order to move forward toward being completely back together with the one you love.. As she reports, they had a myriad of answers to that question, but amazingly they all had one thing in . John 3:34-45 says, I give you a new command: Love one another. There are two answers to that question. If we can stop at empathy and understanding, expecting that we will have differing feelings and perspectives (why wouldnt we? The research tells us that women share ideas to connect; men share ideas to compete. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. ). Please stop doing that. Then they have attitude about it. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. A detailed study into the lives of today's over 50s found that far from being stuck in a middle-aged rut, most are living life to the full. All too often, couples rely on this standard, ho-hum question when catching up with each other. She asks clearly for what she wants and needs and he resists it. Really, spiritual things should be something you talk about way before you ever decide to get married. Be sure that you and your hubby are in a comfortable setting and dont lay whatever is on your mind too heavy on him if this is not something you usually talk about. These are in direct conflict with one another at all times and quickly become conversational barriers. A third thing that divides us from one another is competition, or control-battles. If we want to know why married couples stop talking to each other, we have to ask a different question: questions that make conversation safe. According to the data, one in 10 say their sex lives are better in their sixth decade. I aim to show you how you can argue more effectively in your relationship to prevent those constant fights. Fights about having enough sex and showing enough affection are important to relationship happiness, but often weigh less because couples tend to handle them in constructive ways. If we are not putting this knowledge to use, then the relationship is suffering a series of daily losses. The more you have it, the more you want it. Neither men nor women want critics or managers; both want a cheerleader and a romantic lover, but to different degrees. Together 28, married 21, we kiss whenever we can. Men want to protect and serve their wives and families by competently making decisions that will heroically fix things. What's more, if you would rather have this list with you so you can take it on the go, you can download it for . She works alot. According to a 2017 study by the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the average American married couple has sex 56 times a year, which is around once a week . Be it the traumatic loss of a loved. via shutterstock.com. Here is a list of things you might talk about when there is nothing to talk about:Talk about this itself. If we instead lead with empathy and understanding, many arguments will come to a halt. These variables are especially evident in early marriage when a . And this clash of ideas is how, over time, long-time married couples stop talking to each other. My husband and I are going through not talking and this taught me a lot! The Silence began recently, so its not too late! But is that really true? Communicating is a form of bonding. I mean, not believing in the same values, spiritual beliefs, and convictions as your spouse is a HUGE thing to not have in common! Save C Clark G Understanding the Motivation Styles. Yet another one of my favorite things to talk about with Josh. 1. 1. I've got you - I know how painful all that can be! It is often seen as directly questioning their intelligence and competence. Yes, shes told him what she would like to see change, but when the change never came, she has a hard time letting him know how that makes her feel. She may suggest modifications or alternatives that bear little resemblance to his original proposal or decision. Franklin Veaux Polyamorous my entire life Author has 47.6K answers and 805.6M answer views 4 y Related If you had to marry the last person you spoke to on the phone, would you be happy? The chapter in Dr. Gottmans Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that elucidates this principle seems a bit imbalanced to me compared to the parity of the other principles. Laughter began to seem like a distraction from getting the things done on my very long to-do list and I began to ignore it or even find it frustrating when my husband would try to have fun with me. Our view of our spouse becomes negative, and that negativity overrides our sentiment toward and interpretation of everything he or she says or does. If you're experiencingconflict in your relationship, it can be difficult to think about what makes you happy;but remembering what brings you happiness can be important for the connection between you and your spouse. So. Years ago, I think I remember hearing James Dobson say that he figured a good minimum goal would be: 15-30 minutes a day, 2 hours a week, 1 night a quarter, and one weekend a year. couple runs in the wheat field and smiling. and our They seem so big right now a, Now a lot of married couples would probably tell you that they can talk to their spouse about. In particular, according to a 2017 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior [ 1 ], the average adults have sex 54 times/year or about once a week. It is healthy to have long fun/happy text conversations or long phone conversations now and then, as i Continue Reading Anonymous 8 y I live far from my girlfriend. But wouldnt you want a marriage where your spouse believes the same, things that you do? We talk about life and whats going on in the now, but we love to talk about what our family might look like in the future, where we could possibly travel some day, the possibility of moving closer to our families. And being an impulsive person, this wasnt always the best thing for our savings account. Ah, this is one of my favorite things to talk about! The truth is, couples are more likely to talk to each other if both genders adjust their natural tendencies, making it easier to accept influence from one another. Addiction Problems. You knew this was going to be in this post somewhere, so might as well get it out of the way. If not, we ask ourselves, How can I support the other, here? After reading what you wrote here about the reasons why our conversations have ended, I believe we can find ways to repair our Marriage! It's an all-too-common trajectory for married couples: Fall in love, begin your lives together, then proceed to get . 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